A Time To Drink

A Time To Drink

What do you write about when it’s time to start the new blog for your new company? Do you write about the idea behind the company? Maybe, do you write about the start up process? Maybe, the research process? Do you write about yourself? Your Partner? Why? That’s all so mundane and boring. Not to mention that it’s already been covered in a video and basic description on the website. Nah, fuck that.  Let’s talk about drinking.

This is a prohibition tour. It covers the era itself, and what defines the era more than any other thing, is the drink. That “intoxicating alcohol”, that Frances Elizabeth Willard and Wayne Bidwell Wheeler tried so hard to eradicate. That hotsy-totsy hootch, that Mabel Walker Willebrandt tried so feverishly to keep out of the hands of John and Jane Q Public before she turned and defended those same people. What an asshole. That giggle-juice that fueled the sexual revolution of the flappers and fellas, and kept the gin mills, barrelhouses and juice joints buzzing with that new sound called Jazz. That moonshine, that took the hoods from famous to infamous and unleashed barrages of bullets from Chicago Typewriters. What is it about this liquid that gets people so Bleary-eyed, bent, blind, blotto, boiled, boiled as an owl, burning with a blue flame, canned, corked, corned, crocked, edged, embalmed, fried, four sheets to the wind, full, ginned, half-cocked, half seas over, half-screwed, half-shot, happy, high, hoary-eyed, jazzed, jingle, lathered, liquored, lit, lit up like a Christmas tree, lit up like a store window, lit up like the commonwealth, loaded, loaded for beer, loaded to the muzzle, lubricated, oiled, over the bay, ossified, owled, paralyzed, plastered, pie-eyed, pickled, piffed, piped, polluted, potted, primed, saturated, slopped, sloppy, stiff, stinko, soused, squiffy, stewed, sprung, tanked, tight, lit, under the table, wall-eyed, wet, and woozy and keeps us coming back for more? Alcohol is a delicious gift. It’s the only commodity that is appropriate for any situation. It comforts you when you’re sad, strengthens when you feel weak, enlightens you when you feel dumb and can even encourage you to continue being happy. When done right and consumed properly, it’s like the warmth of a loving relationship. Work at it and appreciate it and it will always do the same for you. Abuse it and it will turn on you like a rabid dog and no wrath will be so debilitating or seem so cruel. However, always remember what the comedian Paul F. Tompkins said, “You’re allowed to have it!” The fact that anyone ever thought that this was negotiable is, at this point, hilarious.

Despite their ill-conceived notions and half-brained religiously fueled plans, they weren’t all wrong. To continue my warning about its fickle nature, remember this; drinking, like many other things in life, is a skill. A skill, which sadly, all too many of us never master, and for an unfortunate minority, masters them. Unless of course you have an addiction, then you should seek professional help.  It requires the knowledge of ones limits, and the recognition of when one is approaching those limits. It takes a palate that should be defined and that refinement takes practice. Not all alcohol is meant for you and you aren’t meant for all alcohol. Learn what you like and enjoy what you’ve learned. The quickest to criticize your tastes are usually those who have none or fancy themselves above you. Coincidentally, they are also often the first ones who can’t handle the sauce they profess to know so much about. That being said STOP DRINKING DIRTY MARTINIS! What is this your first day?

If Prohibition showed us anything, it’s that drinking is a privilege that can all too easily be taken away. The “moral authority” will always try to “save you”.  So, show them that rather than being beyond saving, you simply don’t need it. Since the beginning of time, “grown-ups” have felt it their duty to show other grown ups what is right and acceptable. The truly mature, already know what that is and expect that level of maturity from the people around them. They do so without pretense and without pressure. So, enjoy your drink.  I won’t tell you to do it responsibly, do it maturely. Never give anyone a reason to take it away from us again.

-Jonathan Knotek